Should I Get Married? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

There was a time in history when the common reasons for marriage were procreation, social status, food, and economic and physical security. At that point in history, marriages were mostly transactional and parties to such marriages already knew their place in the ensuing marriage.

Fast forward to today, there is no denying that there has been a huge shift in the dating and courtship arenas. Most people have more freedom to decide if they want to date, who they want to date, and why. The marriage institution itself, has not been spared from this glaring shift which is probably why you have been asking yourself, “Should I get married?”

The question of whether one should get married cannot be answered by a mere yes or no. Most Christian marriage vows include the phrase “till death do us part,” to indicate the commitment the couple has toward each other and their relationship. Because a Christian marriage is ideally intended to be for a lifetime, due consideration must be taken before an individual or a couple commits to a marriage.

Ideally, one should ask the question should I get married at two stages of their lives; when they are still single because asking this question when you are already in a relationship will likely cloud your judgment. Secondly, this question should also be asked when one is in a serious relationship with someone to try and determine whether they are the right partner. It is a question that requires deep introspection, regular consultation with scripture, and constant prayer.

While counselors, pastors, and the Bible may provide a solid roadmap, you ultimately need to decide whether to get married. It is a fact that most churches put more value on the marriage institution over singleness and this, in turn, puts pressure on the single members of the church to transition from being single to becoming married.

The Church may have been driven to this conclusion by Genesis 2:18 where God declared that it was not good for man to be alone and Paul’s advice in 1 Corinthians 7, which encourages members of the church rather marry to avoid sexual immorality. It would however be painting an incomplete picture if the Church is not taught that Paul in that same scripture, also puts significant value on singleness.

Contrary to common belief, not everyone is destined to be married and people are complete regardless of their marital status. Individuals and the body of Christ should normalize this. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV) Paul says, “Now to the unmarried and widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Paul goes on in 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 to state the reasons why he thought it better for Christians to be single than to be married. One major distinction between single nonbelievers and single Christians is probably hinged on sexual relations.

Non-believers might choose to cohabit, have sexual relations, and even start families. On the other hand, Paul was clear in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 that for Christian couples, only those that are married should enjoy sexual relations with each other.

Based on Paul’s advice, the precursor for all Christians seeking to answer the question, “Should I get married?” should be acknowledging that they are sexual beings and whether they can control themselves sexually for the rest of their single life.

As much as this issue of sex plays a role in whether to get married, there are other important questions to be considered by every unmarried Christian. We list some of them below.

Why do you want to get married?

There are right and wrong reasons for getting married hence the need to be cautious. It is not enough to decide to marry for example, due to societal pressure, pregnancy, and racing against the biological clock. Although the future cannot be foreseen or predicted, an ideal Christian marriage is intended to be for a lifetime, and as such couples should marry for well-considered, solid, and sustainable reasons. Some of the reasons include:

• A relationship founded on friendship, companionship, and trust Within months or even years of meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend, you will probably feel the cliched butterflies, but as time moves and life happens you will realize that the butterflies will come and go, and this is a true test for most relationships. Relationships that are buoyed by friendship, companionship, and trust will remain strong even in the absence of butterflies.
• Mutual love and respect for each other It is easy for people to declare undying love for each other but sometimes words are empty. Sometimes people proclaim love for the person they are in a relationship with because they think it’s what they want to hear, or the other person said it first or they think it’s the next logical step in a relationship. If you are wondering what love looks like in the Christian context, 1 Corinthians 13 provides excellent guidance.
• Healthy communication and conflict resolution strategies We cannot overstate the importance of healthy communication in relationships, especially marriages. It is therefore important to marry someone with whom you can communicate and with whom you can resolve issues amicably.

To whom do you want to get married?

In your quest for a decision about marriage, consider the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV) which says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” You have probably heard this phrase before and might be wondering where it fits within the context of marriage.

The Bible considers marriage as the coming together of two people to become one therefore a marriage works best if the two people involved are walking in harmony. So before getting married to someone consider if:

• You are of the same faith and if yes, is your faith on roughly the same level?.
• You have the same values, principles, and beliefs on things like finances, parenting, your involvement in ministry, extended family, and friendships. Consider it a step in the right direction if you are in a relationship with someone with whom you agree on most of these things.

However, if you differ significantly on any of these, you may need to give the question of marriage to that particular person some more thought before committing.

What qualities do you prioritize in a marriage partner?

It is good practice for single people who intend to get married to consider what traits they would like in their future spouse. By saying this we don’t mean you should have a checklist that is cast in stone, but we encourage you to be aware of what it is that you want in a future spouse and most importantly, what the Bible says about wives and husbands. If you are aware of the qualities that you consider the most important you can ask God in prayer for Him to send such a person your way even before you meet them.

Most people who claim love at first sight list physical features as the thing(s) that attracted them most to their partner. While there is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to your partner, it is not sufficient to marry solely because you are physically attracted to someone.

Looks wane and what will your marriage be anchored on when they eventually do? It is therefore important that people get to know each other well before committing to a marriage. While it is you who ultimately decides what qualities are most important, we will list below some examples of traits that would make a great wife or husband:

• Someone who fears and loves God.
• Someone selfless and kind.
• Someone reliable, dependable, and trustworthy.
• Someone loving and respectful.
• Someone forgiving and patient.
• Someone who can compromise when the situation calls for it.
• Someone with whom you share common interests and hobbies.
• Someone who makes you genuinely happy and whose company you enjoy immensely.

Are you still wondering whether you should get married?

Marriage is a huge step and one which should not be taken lightly. On the other hand, being single while encouraged by Paul in the book of Corinthians takes a lot of discipline, focus, and commitment.

If you are still grappling with the question of whether to get married and can’t seem to find satisfactory answers on your own, please get in touch with us and we will get you the help you need. If you are in a committed relationship with someone and need guidance on what to expect in marriage, our offices can provide both of you with trained Therapists who will help guide this season of your life.