Understanding Each Other’s Family Dynamics Through Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is a common practice and has become a staple in many faith-based communities for good reasons. It helps couples prepare not just for their wedding day, but for the lifelong journey that follows. Some studies have shown that couples who go through premarital counseling have a lower instance of divorce than those who don’t. When doing premarital counseling for couples with children from other relationships, most pastors or therapists prepare couples by helping them learn better communication skills or how to adjust expectations for their new married lives. Still, many fail to discuss the importance of family dynamics and the process of becoming a stepfamily with their engaged clients. Many stepfamilies receive no premarital preparation whatsoever. Mature brides and grooms don’t see the need for counseling as most of their first-time married counterparts do. And when they do receive counseling, it typically follows the same framework used for first-time married couples. While this might be helpful to a certain extent, it doesn’t address the targeted support they need to address the complexities of blending families. This might leave the couple feeling unprepared for the challenges that lie ahead. Tips for effective premarital counseling To address these challenges, effective premarital counseling for blended families should include: Talking with the children Including children in the discussion about the new family structure and the wedding can make the transition smoother. Children who feel involved and heard are more likely to embrace the new family dynamic positively. Adjusting expectations Couples should recalibrate their expectations about family bonding. Blending families takes time and patience, and recognizing this can help them avoid unrealistic expectations. Acknowledging grief Recognizing and addressing the grief children (and sometimes even the couple themselves) may feel from past losses helps to build stronger bonds between stepparents and children. Establishing [...]
