Practicing Active Listening in Communication

We know that a big part of interacting with others involves communication. Sometimes we forget that there are two aspects of communication. Speaking is the one that everyone seems to concentrate on when it comes to understanding better communication. But listening is also important in communication.

If you are not actively listening to the conversation you may miss out on something important. Listening is a way to show respect to the other person in the conversation.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. – James 1:19, NIV

What Does Active Listening Mean?

 The term active listening refers to being present in the conversation in which you are engaged. To be actively listening means you are fully invested in the conversation and you are willing to give it your full attention. It shows the other person you are interested in having a mutual conversation.

Listening is not the same as hearing. When you hear you are not fully focused on the content or the person. When you listen you understand what the conversation is about.

Types of Listening

 Active listening can apply to all types of listening. There are five major types of listening that we use in our everyday lives. No matter what type of listening you are engaged in you must always have the right attitude, pay attention, and adjust to what is being said.

• Empathetic listening is when you listen to understand the emotions and reasoning of the story that the speaker is sharing.
• Comprehensive listening is listening to learn.
• Critical listening occurs when you are listening to form an opinion of what is being said.
• Appreciative listening is when you listen because you want to enjoy what is being said.
• Active listening (which is sometimes placed with empathetic listening) is when you listen so that you are building strong relationships.

Benefits of Active Listening

Active listening has many benefits that we don’t always realize. We also don’t realize how much this skill benefits us as the listener. Taking time to truly learn how to listen actively will help you engage in meaningful and fulfilling conversations.

It establishes trust

When you show those in your life that you are willing to engage in a conversation with active listening you let them know that they are important.

It shows support

Active listening will show the speaker that you are supporting them. When you pay attention to a speaker you are letting them know that you value what they are saying.

It enhances understanding

By practicing active listening exercises you can enhance your understanding. Active listening uses your ability to focus on what is being said so that you can fully comprehend what the speaker is trying to convey.

It resolves conflict

Active listening during a conflict can be the difference in how it is resolved. If you are willing to listen to understand and reflect before responding you can reduce the effect of the conflict.

It boosts collaboration

When working with a team, active listening is a great tool to help you reach the project goal. Using active listening exercises can teach you how to listen and ask open-ended questions for clarification.

Techniques That Use Active Listening Exercises

Active listening takes practice. The world and its chaos can distract us from fully engaging in a conversation. There are several active listening exercises that you can do to help you learn how to be present in a conversation with another person. Even the Bible tells us that listening is sometimes more important than speaking.

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. – Proverbs 19:20, NIV

• Paraphrase what you have heard

This technique of active listening involves knowing when to engage and restate the information using different words. This will help with understanding what you heard compared to what was said. This will help the speaker to focus on what they are trying to convey. It also shows the speaker that you are wanting to understand which will encourage the speaker.

• Verbalize nonverbal emotions

Since you are engaged in the listening aspect of the conversation you will want to display positive body language. You can do this by making eye contact and not fidgeting. When you use nods and smiles you indicate to the speaker that you are engaged and interested.

• Ask open-ended questions

The technique of asking open-ended questions will help you get more information as well as let the speaker know that you are interested in knowing more. It will also give the speaker a chance to elaborate and clarify.

• Review and summarize

After the speaker has finished you may choose to review what you heard and summarize the information back to the speaker. An active listening exercise for this technique is practicing how to restate the major ideas that the speaker conveyed.

• Be intentionally present

This active listening skill revolves around setting down your phone and engaging in what is being said by showing interest. Active listening without your phone shows respect and intentions. There are active listening exercises that will help you learn how to ignore the distractions that can compete for your attention.

• Resolve to not judge

When you are engaged in a conversation it is best to refrain from trying to judge or interject your advice. Unless the speaker specifically states that your advice is needed it is better to listen empathetically.

• Wait until the speaker is done before talking

Interrupting a person who is speaking is a sign of disrespect. When you don’t understand what you heard you can politely ask them to repeat that information. This is not the same as interrupting them to interject your thoughts or opinions.

Tips To Practice Active Listening

There are many places online where you can find active listening exercises. These are easy to do as a group or alone. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Paraphrasing and clarifying: If you would like to practice paraphrasing you can find a podcast or video and listen to it with a friend. Once it is over you each take turns paraphrasing what you heard.

Nonverbal emotions: Find a video or show that you want to watch and write down the body language that you notice. You can also watch with a friend and each of you make note of the other’s body language.

Reflecting and summarizing: Find something that you want to summarize and write it down. When you and a friend are out for the day take turns summarizing what the other says.

Common Types of Games for Active Listening Exercises

• How Did They Say It? This game helps you look at body language.
• What Do You See? Based on the communication game Description this game helps you learn to ask questions for clarity.
• Time to Listen. This game revolves around overcoming the urge to interrupt.
• Speak After Listening. This helps you learn to choose to listen to understand.
• If I Were Them. This game puts you in the place of the speaker to understand their perspective.
• Can I Ask Why? The purpose of this game is to help you use the three whys to gain an understanding of what you are hearing.
• What The Emotions Say. This game is designed to help you develop an awareness of the emotions of the speaker.

Distractions That Can Affect Active Listening

There are so many distractions in our busy and chaotic world. We are bombarded by cell phones and tablets. Almost every restaurant has televisions in the corner. This can cause so many distractions. When it comes to listening, there are just as many. Here are the most common distractions in active listening.

• Advising
• Judging
• Praising
• Giving opinions
• Minimizing
• Focus on self
• Cross-examination
• Interjecting your comments

Benefits of Active Listening

Taking time to become an active listener is beneficial in many ways. You can choose to interject the active listening exercises with your family during car trips or dinner time. It will not only help them outside of the home, but it will increase the quality of the conversations at home.

If you want to experience these benefits, try the suggestions above. A counselor can also help you and your partner or family improve their active listening skills. Connect with us to learn more.