Understanding Each Other’s Family Dynamics Through Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling is a common practice and has become a staple in many faith-based communities for good reasons. It helps couples prepare not just for their wedding day, but for the lifelong journey that follows. Some studies have shown that couples who go through premarital counseling have a lower instance of divorce than those who don’t.

When doing premarital counseling for couples with children from other relationships, most pastors or therapists prepare couples by helping them learn better communication skills or how to adjust expectations for their new married lives. Still, many fail to discuss the importance of family dynamics and the process of becoming a stepfamily with their engaged clients.

Many stepfamilies receive no premarital preparation whatsoever. Mature brides and grooms don’t see the need for counseling as most of their first-time married counterparts do. And when they do receive counseling, it typically follows the same framework used for first-time married couples.

While this might be helpful to a certain extent, it doesn’t address the targeted support they need to address the complexities of blending families. This might leave the couple feeling unprepared for the challenges that lie ahead.

Tips for effective premarital counseling

To address these challenges, effective premarital counseling for blended families should include:

Talking with the children

Including children in the discussion about the new family structure and the wedding can make the transition smoother. Children who feel involved and heard are more likely to embrace the new family dynamic positively.

Adjusting expectations

Couples should recalibrate their expectations about family bonding. Blending families takes time and patience, and recognizing this can help them avoid unrealistic expectations.

Acknowledging grief

Recognizing and addressing the grief children (and sometimes even the couple themselves) may feel from past losses helps to build stronger bonds between stepparents and children.

Establishing rules and responsibilities

Families should work with a therapist collaboratively to set household rules, responsibilities and expectations. This can reduce conflict and confusion as the family adjusts to living together.

Avoiding avoidance

Don’t shy away from discussing difficult topics because it will only amplify the consequences. Open communication can prevent misunderstandings and resentment.

Addressing past family trauma

Premarital counseling should address any past family traumas, such as divorce or the loss of a parent and how these might impact the transition into a new blended family.

Creating a financial plan

Work with your therapist and a financial planner to develop a clear financial plan to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts within your new family.

Acknowledging children’s loyalties

Be mindful that children may feel conflicted with the introduction of a stepparent. Allow them time to adjust and validate their feelings of loyalty to their parents without guilt. A therapist can help children express their feelings in a non-judgmental setting.

Promote individual relationships

A therapist should discuss the need for a stepparent to spend regular, individual time with each family member. Engage in activities that allow for natural bonding like a shared hobby or special outing.

Children’s fear of relationship failure

Premarital counseling can address children’s fears that the new marriage won’t last. Teaching children about commitment, the covenant of marriage, and their parents’ desire to glorify God can provide reassurance and stability.

Discussing relocation and lifestyle changes

Premarital counseling should cover any potential relocations or lifestyle changes that may arise after marriage, helping everyone prepare for the transitions that may affect the family.

Incorporating faith in the blended family

Even if both families profess Christianity, their specific beliefs and practices may differ. It’s important to anchor the new family by incorporating Bible study, prayer, and faith-based discussions into daily life.

Identifying red flags

Counselors can help the couple identify potential red flags in family dynamics, such as favoritism or exclusion, and offer strategies to mitigate these issues before they escalate.

Recognizing different parenting styles

Couples need to recognize that they may have different parenting styles. Counseling should help them learn how to blend their differing styles and help couples understand the potential issues that could arise from these differences.

Understanding each child’s unique needs

Counselors should help couples understand that each child will adjust differently. A one-size-fits-all approach to blending families won’t work, and each child’s emotional needs should be addressed individually.

Seeking professional help

Including children in the premarital preparation isn’t simply a good idea, it is essential. Children who feel included and have a voice in the new family structure are more likely to adjust well and feel valued. If you are engaged and creating a blended family, seek a Christian therapist who is trained to help children and adults prepare for what lies ahead.

The commitment a couple makes to each other is just the beginning of their blended life. Effective premarital counseling should aim to prepare them and their children for a new chapter in their lives. To schedule premarital counseling as a couple who is blending families, contact our office today at Longview Christian Counseling in Washington. The Christian therapists in Longview, Washington are ready to help you start this new marriage with God at the center.